Kitten Kong: Montreux '72 Edition

"Kitten Kong (Montreux '72 Edition')" is a revised edition of the missing episode "Kitten Kong".

Plot
Bill is offered £30 to to take care of a sick guinea pig. This gives the boys the idea to turn their office into a veterinary clinic for animals with unusual problems that a regular vet won't usually see. All goes well until Graeme gets a bit carried away curing a 23-year-old cat with dwarfism and accidentally turns it into a giant kitten that terrorizes London.

Synopsis
Tim and Graeme return from watching the International Chess Championships quarterfinal (at which they were the only spectators), jubilant because their man won. They discover Bill is cooking a four-course meal, complete with wine and dessert, for Bunter, a guinea pig he's been asked to take care of. Bunter refuses to eat the regular foods given him, so Bill has gone all-out trying to get him to eat. However, Bill did not make any such meal for Tim and Graeme, and instead gives them soggy lettuce and potato peelings. Tim is furious, and Bill retorts that they don't pay him enough to get a fancy meal. Graeme asks how much money Bill is getting to feed the guinea pig, and Bill tells him it's £30 and adds that there are many other "loony" animals like Bunter in the neighborhood. Tim gets an idea immediately to start a vet clinic for animals with out-of-the-way ailments, and the other two agree.

Soon, the clinic is set up, and Graeme waits in the office for walk-ins while Tim and Bill bicycle round the neighborhood, calling out through a megaphone for people to bring out their loony animals to be cured. Soon, the office is full of a plethora of creatures, from an overaffectionate bush baby to a couple of dogs that sing like humans to a vampire bat that is scared of the dark. Graeme shows off some of the animals he's experimenting on to Tim and Graeme, but the bush baby attaches itself to him and refuses to get off, managing to escape its pen and miraculously appear in Graeme's hand or on his sleeve whenever his back is turned.

Tim finds a tiny white kitten and is enamored with it, cuddling and stroking it. Graeme explains that the kitten is in fact Twinkle, a 23-year-old cat with dwarfism, and he's been trying to make him big and strong with vitamins and growth mixture in his food. The "big" part still needs work, but the cat is physically quite strong already. This quickly becomes evident when the boys take some of the animals out for exercise. While Graeme and Bill have no problem with their tortoise and Great Dane, respectively, Tim attempts to leash Twinkle and is dragged all over the park, through fences, up and down a playground slide, through a drainpipe and a merry-go-round, and finally slammed into a tree. Twinkle ascends the tree and refuses to come down despite Tim's shouting and throwing things at him, and makes a large limb fall and knock Tim down.

Bill and Graeme attempt to lure Twinkle down in several different ways, but this also fails. Finally, the boys get a ladder and Tim goes up it and passes Twinkle down to the other two. Bill and Graeme are so relieved to have Twinkle back, they return to their office, but forget about Tim and take the ladder with them, leaving him stranded in the tree.

Some time later, Tim has a nightmare in which he has been stuck in the tree for four days, and Graeme and Bill have forgotten about him. Graeme also has forgotten about all the other animals and has become obsessed with Twinkle, feeding him growth mixture every five minutes. Tim finally manages to get out of the tree and bursts into the office, and announces that he is furious with the kitten and wishes to kill it. Bill warns him not to attempt it, and Tim demands to know why. Bill pulls back a wall panel to show a large cage, in which Twinkle, now well over seven feet tall, is residing. Tim screams in terror and wakes up from his nightmare, but his shouting has awakened Bill and Graeme.

As it turns out, part of the dream is true - over a while, Graeme's growth mixture has made Twinkle grow to giant proportions, and it's the thought of the repercussions of this that is giving Tim nightmares. Unable to stand it any longer, Tim demands Graeme get rid of Twinkle, but Graeme refuses, because he is still treating Twinkle and obviously he can't go back to his home. Furthermore, Graeme has become very attached to the cat.

Graeme goes to check on Twinkle since it's close enough to morning for Graeme to feed him a vitamin, and discovers the cage open and the giant cat gone. He panics, thinking someone has stolen Twinkle, and immediately starts accusing Tim of either stealing or killing Twinkle since Tim is the one that dislikes him most. However, Tim denies this on the grounds that he's too scared to even go near the cage. Bill reluctantly saves Tim and admits it's his fault - the cat wanted to be let out for the night, and as it's common practice to let cats out for the night, he opened the cage. This sends Graeme into a bigger panic because Twinkle is still growing at an alarming rate and he hasn't been able to stop it yet. He discovers the Bush Baby has attached itself to him again and throws it away angrily, and then he and the other two quickly grab the trandem bike and head out into the early morning in search of Twinkle.

The first sign they find of Twinkle is a trail of large pawprints down a street where he stood in something wet. The next sign they find is a group of panicked people and dogs running towards them from an alley. They turn down the alley and discover Twinkle, now the size of a building, is playing with a large lamppost. He snaps it from its base and it falls, narrowly missing the boys, who flee back to their office.

Three days later, Twinkle is still growing and terrorizing London. He has caused damage to the Post Office Tower, Westminster Bridge, and Nelson's Column, and the RSPCA has prevented much being done in the way of him being hurt or captured. Graeme perfects an antidote to the growth mixture and loads it into a large syringe, and tells the others all they have to do is find a way to get close to Twinkle and inject him with the mixture. To that end, he dresses himself, Tim, and Bill up as mice, and they head out to find him. Unfortunately, before they can set up a good trap, Twinkle comes up and nearly ambushes them from behind.

They flee to the top of a building, and Twinkle climbs up and pursues them until they fall off. Miraculously they manage to make it to the ground unscathed, and they hurry to inflate a big balloon they brought with their trandem. They fly up in the air and have trouble finding a way to get close enough to safely inject him without him noticing and attacking the balloon like a cat toy. Bill falls off the balloon, and Twinkle, recognizing him, catches him and holds him back up to the balloon. Graeme quickly injects the antidote into Twinkle's paw and within minutes he has shrunk down to his original tiny size again. The boys celebrate, but, as it turns out, prematurely, as their balloon springs a leak and in falling from the sky they are caught on the pointed nose of a Concorde and carried away.

Once the boys return to their office, they set about returning all the animals and closing up shop as a vet clinic. Graeme tells Bill to also chuck out the growth mixture, but Bill discovers the barrel is almost empty, and it was nearly full. Moments later, giant mice and rats burst through the walls, and the boys quickly feed Twinkle the remaining mixture to make him big enough to attack the rodents.

Quotes

 * Bill: Surely you're not resentful to a little kindness to one of our dumb friends! Tim: Well the only "dumb friend" I've got is YOU! Bill: [offended, sarcastic] Well, thank you very much! After I went and made supper for you, as well... Tim: Well, we can hardly afford to feed ourselves, and you start giving four-course meals to flaming guinea pigs! Bill: Temper, temper! Tim: Well, since when have we eaten that well? Bill: Since when indeed, yes... What did we get last time YOU cooked supper, eh? A bowl of cornflakes. [Tim sulks] Bill: Yes! AND they were burnt. Tim: Well, better than YOUR soggy lettuce and potato peelings! Bill: On the money you give me, you're very lucky to get anything at all, I can tell you! Ooh, I've a good mind to go back to mother... Tim: Well, go! Bill: I shall! Graeme: [Has had enough] Now LISTEN! Tim and Bill: [Perfect unison] And you keep out of this!


 * Graeme: [Reassuring Tim about Twinkle] It's not a monster, it's a kitten! Anyway, it's time for his vitamin pills. [Opens the cage to find it empty] Graeme: He's gone... someone's taken him! [suddenly attacks Tim, shrieking at him] Graeme: You! YOU! You've done something to him, haven't you? You never liked him! What have you done with my pussy? Tim: [while being shaken violently by Graeme] I haven't touched him! I wouldn't dare go NEAR him! Bill: Oh, it wasn't him; it was me. Graeme: What? Bill: It wasn't him. He's all right, I only put him "out". Graeme: [screams] YOU DID WHAT? Bill: You should always put the cat "out" at night. So I... I did. Graeme: YOU IDIOT! THAT CAT... [grabs and throws away the Bush Baby, which has attached itself to him again] Graeme: THAT CAT IS STILL GROWING! [Runs to get his clothes] Graeme: Come on! We gotta find him, and catch him before he eats someone he shouldn't! Tim: [Amused by Graeme's "slip-up"] Ah! You mean some THING he shouldn't. Graeme: [Voice of Doom] I know what I mean. Tim and Bill: Oh heck...


 * Bill: [Referring to Tim, last seen stuck up a tree] Haven't seen him for a heck of a long time. Tim: [Barges in] FOUR DAYS! Four ruddy days I've been up that tree! Bill: [Tries not to laugh] I'm ever so sorry...

Trivia

 * This episode won the Silver Rose at the Montreux Festival Rose d'Or. In the first episode of the next season, Tim Brooke-Taylor can be seen painting the trophy gold.
 * On the DVD commentary, the team said that the Montreux version was a re-edit (not a complete remake) of the original that added the singing dogs, and some more scenes with the hot air balloon.